Date: May 15, 2026

Music: Jungle - Carry On

There is a deep fatigue that has set in me over the last day or so. I feel unbearably lost. I have a few different project ideas, but none of the energy needed to push forward. I want to make at least 2k usd monthly going forward, but I will have to start with a much smaller goal at first.

Also I am considering a guestbook, but I also like writing into the void right now. I generally don't interact much with others, so it would feel strange for people to comment on my deeper issues and thoughts. I lack social grace and most likely have autism...but that's a whole different discussion that will have to wait. Just...I speak very little most days and writing is more of an outlet for me than speaking ever has been.

Anyway, I am trying to figure out what to do with the project tab. I have a couple project ideas...one of them is related to a book. I have a book here at home called Astrophysics in a Nutshell by Dan Maoz. I want to be able to understand everything inside it, but I've never done that type of math. I might do a walkthrough of me relearning math and learning physics concepts so that I can understand the book. I have done up to Calculus 3, but never Differential Equations. Completing Calculus 3 was over a decade ago though and I am rusty. I will work on sketching out that project this month though.

Date: May 13, 2026

Music: Don West - Small Change

//Still working through Version 3 of the website//

This has been a chaotic month for me. I withdrew from CELTA (teaching overseas training program) on the 7th. My body is weaker than I expected from deconditioning and fibromyalgia. In 2021, I was in Chicago and didn't have nearly as many flares as I do now. Here in Texas, though, it's like everything about the environment keeps me sick and in pain. My body craves a stillness that stresses my mind.

I want to be free and stable more than anything. I need independence mentally, but the physical weakness that I experience doesn't line up with that mental need. The budget I'm working with doesn't align with getting physical therapy again either. So I have to do it myself at home and work through the deconditioned state alone.